The morns are meeker

I love fall weather. Fall weather is the best. Fall weather is my favorite.

I bought some strawberry plants for the garden a couple of weeks ago, and they are doing well. One already bloomed, and the delicate white flowers are so pretty.

 I'm hoping they have a chance to produce fruit before squirrels or cold gets 'em.

Fall weather makes me want to sit on a deck by a lake with a cup of tea early in the morning. Or be somewhere mountainous at sunset. Or by a crackling campfire late at night. Pretty much anywhere outdoors. :-)

So, to conclude these autumnal musings, a poem about fall from Emily Dickinson:

The morns are meeker than they were,
The nuts are getting brown;
The berry's cheek is plumper,
The rose is out of town.
The maple wears a gayer scarf,
The field a scarlet gown.
Lest I should be old-fashioned,
I'll put a trinket on.

                 - Emily Dickinson: Nature, Poem 28

Summer Reading, year 2: "Furies of Calderon" and "The Meaning of Marriage"

Even though this final recap is almost a month late, I DID finish my summer reading goals on time! To recap the entire summer, my reading goals included:

- An old favorite/something I haven't read in several years. For this goal I re-read The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame (see post).

- A biography, memoir or piece of historical nonfiction: Shakespeare Saved My Life by Laura Bates (see post).

- A "classic" that I've never read before: The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger (see post).

And today I will go over the last two on my list:

- The first in a new series: Furies of Calderon by Jim Butcher.

- A devotional/commentary/Bible-based/"inspirational" piece: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller. 

 Furies of Calderon is the first in a six-book fantasy series by Jim Butcher (best know for his massive Dresden Files series, which my husband adores but I have not yet attempted). Butcher wrote Furies in response to a challenge that said he couldn't create a story about the lost Roman legion. And he did it! Sort of. I think it gets into more of the actual Roman connections later in the series. So while the military and governmental themes closely relate to those of ancient Rome, this story is set in a world very unlike our own. Soldiers, steadholders and politicians all wield a type of elemental magic called furycrafting...all except Tavi, our magic-less young hero. 

While Tavi is struggling to find his place in the world, we meet Amara, a young woman in service to the First Lord (king-like leader) who uncovers shocking treason and is forced to flee for her life from her trusted mentor. Amara finds her way to Tavi's hometown and joins forces with Bernard, Tavi's stalwart and kindhearted uncle. While their love blossoms (very quickly, I might add), young Tavi encounters an unexpected threat that could have devastating and widespread consequences. He heads out to warn the garrison, accompanied by his devout and (seemingly) dimwitted manservant Fade. While they encounter many creatures and dangers along the way, Tavi's watercrafting/healer aunt Isana holds down the homestead and faces dangers of her own. 

The book is well-written and reads at a fast pace, despite being over 500 pages (and that makes it one of the shortest books in the series!). I am already up to the fourth in the series and have very few complaints. Some of the supporting characters are easy to confuse - especially when they all have names like Marcus and Gaius and Rufus and Maximus and are plotting or disguised or using false names (!!) all at the same time. Probably my biggest complaint is one female character who is a disgusting masochistic stereotype. Even though she is evil and played for over-the-top ridiculousness, it still feels like the author takes lecherous enjoyment writing her scenes. Ugh. She thankfully fades into the background after the first book, and so far her re-appearances have been few and far between. 

I have been so happy lately to find several sprawling high fantasy adventures that don't waste time focusing on steamy romance or unnecessarily twisted content. In college I started and abandoned several books like that. High fantasy is a genre I enjoy reading, though it does take careful picking and choosing to find adventures really worth the time.

 The final category on my summer reading list - a Bible-based piece - was filled by Timothy Keller's newest book, The Meaning of Marriage. I will admit that I have not actually finished this one yet, but it's really a book meant to be spread out over time and not read in one sitting.

Keller and his wife Kelly have written and spoken about marriage for years, and their advice is practical and Biblically-sound. They tackle topics such as the cultural obsession with finding your soul-mate, the false idea that "love is all you need" and the incredible amount of work it takes to keep a marriage healthy and strong. One of my favorite passages so far compares marriage to becoming a professional athlete or artist. You can't just say, "I want to be a great baseball player" and then go out and achieve it...not without years of  effort and hard work. Why should marriage be any different? Two people living together in a finely-tuned, harmonious relationship takes just as much work as perfecting a fastball or a flawless rendition of "Freebird."

Like I said, I haven't finished reading Marriage yet, so I expect to be sharing more insights from it in the future. But it is one I definitely recommend for newly-weds, almost-weds, or anyone already up to the fabled picket-fence-two-kids-and-a-dog stage. December will mark 6 years of marriage for me and Matt, and there is always, always more for us to learn.

Hooray for goals! These books were read between June-September this year, and I enjoyed the diversity of genres. An enjoyable project indeed. 

Mysterious ways

Last Friday my family and I attended the double funeral of my 62-year-old aunt Tisha and her 8-year-old granddaughter Lucia. The service was held in their hometown high school auditorium; the local church was too small. More than 1200 people packed the room, spilling out the back entrance and into side hallways.

Two caskets stood at the front surrounded by flowers. As the service began and songs were sung a solemn line of black-clad children wove down the left aisle toward the front, roses in their hands. One by one they laid their flowers on the podium steps, stood for a moment, then followed an adult back up the other side of the auditorium. These were Lucia's classmates, 8 and 9-year-old boys and girls who followed their teachers in a sweet and silent memorial for their missing friend.

Five nights before the funeral service and one nigh before my aunt and cousin were killed in a tragic car crash, my grandmother had a dream. Grandma dreamt that she was walking down the road and suddenly turned to find a large crowd of people behind her, all dressed in black. She wondered why they were there, but what surprised her the most was that the front line was all children. Small children, standing in front of a crowd, all dressed in black.

That same night my aunt Samantha had a dream that she was in her childhood home, the home where my grandma and aunt Tisha were currently living. Samantha stepped into the back yard to find a white hearse pulling up to the back gate. She was shocked to see it, but even more shocked when she realized the driver was her father - my grandfather - who had passed away almost 7 years ago.

God prepares us for the future in truly mysterious ways. A friend may say something profound that isn't truly understood until much later. A verse in the Bible or a lyric in a hymn may jump out as significant at just the right moment. A prayer may seem to go unheard for years until the answer is finally and perfectly revealed. And a grievous blow may be slightly softened by visions in which a loving father returns to carry his child home and a quiet line of children bid their dear friend goodbye.

God speaks to us in mysterious ways. Listen, watch, and wait for His presence.

Summer Reading, year 2: "The Catcher in the Rye"

This post will fulfill the "read a classic I've never read before" entry on my summer reading list. The Catcher in the Rye has been in my personal library for years and I finally felt it was time to actually read it.

The Catcher in the Rye is one of those "classic" pieces of literature that I never read while in school. Maybe my teenage years were less tumultuous or rebellious or meaningful because of it; or at least that's what literary critics and fans of this book would have you think. But personally, I think waiting to read it during my late twenties has been the best decision. I enjoy the perspective I have now. I've been a teenager, I have teenaged siblings and at my job I work with teenagers every day. There will always be foolish decisions, unnecessary reactions and unneeded drama, but for the most part the teens I know handle life with grace and clarity. Most of them are well-grounded, even when dealing with difficult situations.

Reading the troubled, erratic, lonely and angry thoughts of the fictional Holden Caulfield filled me with sadness.  He is confused and hurting, and as a pastor in my church teaches, "hurt people hurt people." Someone who is completely enveloped in their own pain has no idea how much pain they are capable of causing others. There are many people in Holden's life that care for him, but he shuts them out and follows his own destructive path instead. The only person that can get through to him is his sister. Little Phoebe longs for Holden to be home and safe, for him to succeed, for him to love her. He does loves her, but steals from her, literally and emotionally, and almost breaks her before he is broken. Holden's self-destructive will is eventually broken enough to accept help, but by the end of the story it is still very unclear what his future will hold.

Catcher was published in 1951, and initially I was surprised at the amount of language and harsh subject matter in this book. But that decade was the beginning of the teenage movement. It was after the wild 1920s, the bleakness of two World Wars, the adjustment of men coming back from war and women leaving jobs and going back home, the rising revolution of youth not wanting to be forced into military service the way their fathers were. It was a messed-up time. Just like now. Modern-day equivalents of Catcher are teen-angst dramas like The Perks of Being a Wallflower, a terribly depressing story of a boy bears the emotional burdens of his abused sister and self-destructive, promiscuous friends while fighting through his own repressed trauma stemming from childhood abuse.

No matter what the decade, these stories ring true because there are always hurting people. They should be cautionary tales, however, and not empathetic anti-heroes. Hurting people need hope. While every story doesn't end happily, there is always a chance for hope. 

Summer Reading, Year 2 - "The Wind in the Willows"

For my old favorite (see my full reading list here) I chose Kenneth Grahame's childhood classic "The Wind in the Willows."

Reading this childhood favorite once again I was struck by the beautiful language and highly descriptive writing style. We really dumb things down for kids nowadays, don't we? "Willows" was published in 1908, and I can't think of a single modern-day children's author that creates beautiful word pictures like this:

     “The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots,  
      when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spellbound by exciting stories; and when
      tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of
      the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea.”

I mean...wow. What a way to say: Mole walked along the riverbank and listened to it gurgle. "A babbling procession of the best stories in the world." Pure poetry. 

The characters are simple, lovable and honest in Grahame's story. Mole is the wide-eyed wonderer with a heart of goal. Ratty is the experienced leader who is never, ever too busy to help someone in need. Badger is a gruff but lovable general. And Toad, dear Toad, is the air-headed adventurer who must learn to appreciate the wonderful friends surrounding him.

I grew up watching the claymation video version of The Wind in the Willows ( produced in 1983). It was one of my ultimate favorites, despite the scratchy TV-recorded quality of the tape. I just found it on Amazon - on DVD! - for only $8. So excited. Here's a clip of one of the songs. Even though the animation is dated, it is still a beautiful adaptation of the story, staying truer to the book and not deviated in wild, ridiculous ways the way some (*cough* Disney animated *cough*) movie versions did. Enjoy. :-)

Summer Reading, Year 2 - "Shakespeare Saved My Life"

The first book completed on my Summer Reading Goals list is a memoir by college professor Laura Bates entitled "Shakespeare Saved My Life." (click here to see my full reading list)

I ran across this book while browsing through the biography/memoir section at Half-Price Books. Being quite the Shakespeare enthusiast, the title immediately caught my eye. In her relatively slim and very engaging memoir, Bates recounts the 10 years she spend teaching Shakespeare to inmates at the Indiana federal prison. Most of the prisoners she worked with were in the maximum security solitary confinement unit, or "supermax." Many had never finished high school, had violent histories and were serving life sentences.  Some, including the man her story focuses on, had never even heard the name William Shakespeare before joining her class.

It is incredible to me how fully Bates' students embraced Shakespeare's plays. Through the powerful words of this great playwright, inmate students began to care about and relate to deep issues and complex characters created over 400 years ago. The language of Shakespeare is tricky and lyrical, yet these men began to scrutinize, discuss and relate to the stories. Some examples: comparing the warring Montague and Capulet families to the modern-day environments that formed them. Realizing that the inner monologues of Macbeth bring up memories of the thoughts racing through their own heads as they committed (and regretted) their crimes. And as Richard II contemplates his fate in the pit of a dungeon, supermax prisoner Larry Newton is deeply affected by how well Shakespeare captures the mental wanderings that go hand in hand with time spent in solitary confinement.

Higher education for inmates is a convoluted issue. There are compelling arguments to both sides: those that say prisoners should not be rewarded or educated in any way as part of their punishment, and those that say education is a vital ingredient for prisoners hoping to one day return to the outside world. Bates provides an insightful look at what education behind bars can accomplish. She even works with and encourages education for those with no chance whatsoever of returning to a life outside prison.

Education is a goal for prisoners to work towards, something to focus on besides anger and revenge; a chance for mental growth and moral improvement. This isn't to say that education is a magic ingredient, but I think it's a small step in the right direction.

Tiny life

Yesterday evening Matt and I went for a walk to visit a a tiny, slightly overgrown cemetery about half a mile from our house. We first noticed it almost 3 years ago when we were looking at rentals in this area. One house we checked out was right up against it, and you could look down on the grassy headstones from the second-story windows.


It was a very peaceful visit, with a lot of history to soak up. There are several family plots there, double headstones marking husband and wives, some with special plaques declaring military service. One couple, birthdates in the mid-1800s, had their status as Citizens of the Republic of Texas proudly engraved beneath their names.

What broke my heart, though, were the infant and child plots. There were so many. Most of them dated in the 1940s, some as early as the '30s. Such tiny lives, gone so quickly. Some had dates of only a few days, some a few years, one with just a single year - 1945 - beneath the words "Our infant son."  Not even a name.

I've been to one infant funeral in my life. I was a teenager, and a family in our small, home-based church lost a baby at birth. The casket was so small. The family, never even having the chance to look into his eyes or call his name, mourned so deeply.

No matter how tiny, life is precious.

The Lord remembers us

This year I made a goal to read through the entire Bible.  The reading plan I chose is a straight-through plan: Genesis to Revelation. A lot of popular reading plans give you passages from the Old Testament, New Testament and a Psalm or Proverb each day, but I preferred to read it front to back. I bought a Bible divided up into daily sections, each with an introduction that gives a bit of historical/spiritual input.

The entire month of June has been devoted to the book of Psalms: 150 chapters of verse over 30 days. That breaks down to an average of 5 Psalms per day (though some are much longer and take an entire day's reading to themselves). Today's introduction for the last day in the Psalms asked, "How have you been affected by spending a month in the Psalms?"

I think what affects me the most are the honest, unabashed moments of fear and despair. David is God's chosen one, and yet he still doesn't have all the answers. He and the other authors cry out to God, asking why they can't see Him, can't feel Him, can't understand His ways. There are quiet, lonely moments of despair and angry, wailing cries of fear and doubt. They mourn, rant and plead...but they are always calling out to God, baring their hearts to the Lord. 

To me, this is one of the truest and most vulnerable expressions of spirituality and faith. Being a Christian means that our path is set and our destination assured, but it doesn't mean there won't be  roadblocks and ditches and times of utter darkness along the way. The Psalms show us that it's OK to express fear and doubt and despair...but always remember to cry out to God. Every time, every place. Cry out to God. Don't walk alone when you don't have to. There will be darkness, but He is there and He is listening.

"I call to You, Lord, every day;
I spread out my hands to You." (Ps. 88:9)

And then, to counter each lament, there are Psalms of praise and thanks. Some are tumultuous in their joy, piling wild and extravagant praises unto the name of God. Others are quiet, respectful and subdued. And those, to me, speak the loudest.

"In you, Lord my God, I put my trust." (25:1)

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for You alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety." (4:8)

"The Lord remembers us...Praise the Lord." (115:12,18)

He will always remember us.

Summer Reading Goals, year 2

Last summer I set some specific goals for the types of books I hoped to read over the mid-year months. I read all the time, no matter what, but I do sometimes get into a rut of reading the same type of book all the time, and not going back to revisit old favorites or branching out into new genres. For example, earlier this year I read just about every Ender and Bean book that Orson Scott Card has ever published, then followed that with an epic, 3-book high fantasy series. I really enjoyed them all, but now need to take a break from space and magic and read some realistic fiction or a good biography.

So, for June 8 (I meant to post this a week ago)-September 1, I plan to include in my reading:

- An old favorite/something I haven't read in several years. (same goal as last year; I have so many books that are very good but have only been read once!)

- A biography, memoir or piece of historical nonfiction.

- A "classic" that I've never read before (so many I know but haven't read! Such as something by Jane Austen, Ray Bradbury, Charles Dickens, etc.)

- The first in a new series.

- A devotional/commentary/Biblicaly-driven "guide" or, I suppose, "inspirational piece."

What are your reading goals? Will you pull up your comfy reading chair and join me?

Take my hand, take my whole life, too.

A few weeks ago my brother Shim got married, and my dad officiated the ceremony.

My brother and his fiancee had approached Papa about it several months ago, and he was thrilled. He went through the ordination process and prepared a simple but meaningful service. The big day came: ceremony and reception held on B.'s family acreage. A small barn near the house had been emptied, cleaned and decorated for the ceremony. It was gorgeous.

B.'s bridesmaids and Shim's groomsmen (my four other brothers) filed in to stand next to Shim and Papa at the front. Family and friends stood and turned as B. came down the aisle to Ingrid Michaelson's haunting and heartfelt cover of Elvis's "Can't Help Falling in Love."
Ingrid sang:
Take my hand,
Take my whole life, too...
and B. caught her breath, barely holding back tears, smiling radiantly.

Shim had tears of his own as they came together, took hands, and turned toward Papa.
Scripture, rings, vows and a kiss, and they became husband and wife.

To me there's almost always a moment that stands out during a wedding; other details get lost or forgotten over time, but one moment remains clear. At my friend T.'s wedding it was the moment a remote-controlled helicopter floated down from the ceiling bearing their rings; at Matt's sister's it was the joyous song that played as they danced down the aisle and into the reception; at another friend's it was the over-the-top cake feeding moment that was hilarious and loving all at once. 

At my own, it was the moment our pastor invited our family and friends to come up and pray over us and the stage was flooded with people, hands on our shoulders and heads bowed.

My brother had a beautiful wedding and I pray it leads to a beautiful marriage. It isn't always easy to start a life together, but I think they are off to a wonderful start. 

Faith and Love

"Marriage is from God, about God, to God, and for God, so we neglect God at our peril."
-Tim Challies

In his article "6 Deadly Enemies of Marriage," Challies outlines how damaging it is for married couples to neglect the following: Biblical foundation, prayer, fellowship, communication, shared interests and sex. Marriage is a covenantal relationship built on God's Word and needs mutual prayer to survive. If husband and wife don't communicate or share any interests, they become two separate people living separate lives under the same roof. And if sex is neglected...well, as Challies puts it, "to neglect sex is to disregard one of God's great and indispensable gifts."

Marriages are made up of two people who are often very different from each other, which is why communication is almost always at the top of marriage lists. "When differences arise and conflict begins to rear its head, it's important to be equipped with the ability to interact and communicate in an open, honest and healthy way. Get real with the kind of communication you are actually investing into your relationship, because what you put into it will inevitably determine what you will get out of it." (Debra K. Fileta, Relevant magazine.)

I recently read this excerpt from Timothy Keller's new book The Meaning of Marriage. Keller talks about how people clearly understand that it takes hard work to become a professional athlete or famous author, but for some reason we expect marriage to work perfectly with nothing more than love. Love is a concept thrown around like magic pixie dust - it's all you need! It fixes everything! So what happens when love is painful? When you love someone with all of your heart and yet can't resolve debilitating arguments, issues or marital roadblocks? We are all flawed people, Keller points out, so why would creating and maintaining committed, sacrificial, lifelong relationships just come naturally?

You don't become a concert pianist just by buying a piano, just as saying "I do" does not automatically create a happily ever after. To excel at marriage is the same as working towards any other goal: it takes work, effort and concentration. But trust me. It's worth it.

That being said, I've never stressed about doing something huge on Valentine's Day. I have nothing against the holiday, but it is rather over-hyped and silly to concentrate all of your affection on one day of the year. Matt is and always has been my one and only valentine, and I think we do a pretty good job of expressing our affection for each other on a regular basis :-).

Valentine's Day was originally the celebration of a man whose faith and love cost him his life but saved others in the process. Valentine expressed honest, selfless love towards those around him and was never afraid to share God's truth. He truly demonstrated that faith and love go hand in hand, and that's the most important thing to remember every February 14th.

Spring is (almost) in the air

February in central Texas means that spring gardening is only about a month away! I am in full-on planning mode (even though today it's about 35° outside and rainy).

Gardening in Texas can be tricky. Here we have long, harsh summers which causes plant stress, but also very mild winters, which extends the fall planting season. The ground never gets that cold, meaning pests aren't dormant during the cooler season like they might be in other areas. Our soil is sandy or full of clay, meaning some plants won't grow without plenty of nutritional soil supplements. And then there's the whole drought problem...

So, all that being said, it is still possible to produce a flourishing Texas garden if you have the right resources. Here are some of the best I've found so far.

Click the link in the accompanying paragraph for a larger, interactive version.

Something I didn't really know about until last year are hardiness zones. Hardiness zone maps divide the US based on seasons, how cold the winters get and average dates of final/first frost in the spring and fall. Central Texas is in zone 8 (or 8b, according to some really specific maps). This zone has fairly mild winters, with lowest average temperatures of 15-20° F. Final frost date is estimated to be between March 15th-30th, which gives us a nice long spring season before the summer kicks in full-force. Those dates are an estimate, though, and not a promise! Last year I put out transplants in mid-March and they suffered through 2 hailstorms and a freeze warning before the spring temperatures stabilized. 

 Another great resource is the Texas AgriLife Extension Service's site. This site is specifically tailored to Texas gardeners. It can be frustrating to read generic gardening books that are like "happy, warm summertime! Flourishing plants in July and August. First frost in late September!" In Texas, August is dry, scorching and cruel. Plants struggle and need extra care. And the first autumn frost date is usually not until early December, giving a whole second planting season in the fall. 

Last year I did a spring garden only. This year I'd love to do spring and fall. There are some plants that Texas gardeners recommend planting ONLY in the fall, such as strawberries! Strawberries won't survive the harsh summers, but should flourish in the cooler fall temperatures. 

I've found some good tips and planning ideas that I've posted to Pinterest. Ideas for garden planning, creative solutions for small spaces, fertilizing tips and pest control. Oh, my adventures with pests last summer...

This beetle has evil, evil babies.

Last summer I lost all my squash to the larvae of squash vine borer beetles. These are vicious grubs that hatch inside the vines and suck up all the nutrients, killing the plant from the bottom up. No use trying pest control at this point: once they're inside, your plants don't have a chance. It made me so sad to watch my beautiful plants die. One day they were covered in blossoms and the next day...dead. Never saw it coming. But this year I will treat the soil ahead of time and consistently apply pest deterrents to try and prevent eggs from being laid, as suggested here.




Last spring I tried 3 different planting areas: a small raised bed (3 ft. x 3 ft.) filled with gardening soil, a traditional in-ground bed with natural soil + some gardening soil, and large pots/planters (filled with the same gardening soil, which wasn't the smartest decision).
This year I hope to expand the raised bed and continue using the pots, but buy 2 different soils. Potting soil is generally less dense than gardening soil and gives confined roots more air, water and growing space. I also want to place my small, potted herbs on a raised table or platform so they are easier to prune, water and harvest.

Last year's adorable little garden.

 

Maybe some day...

Some other good resources:
The Cook's Garden is a seed catalog that has tons of great online articles about soil, planting tips, plant varieties, etc.
Raised garden bed instructions from The Pioneer Woman.
This Kitchen Garden Planner from Gardener's Supply Company is amazing. They provided pre-planned diagrams you can print out or a design-your-own tool that makes it easy to work with the space you have! Great articles and other resources available on their website, too. 

Yay gardening! Now to bundle up on the couch and wait for spring. :-)

Continuing adventure

Today, after almost 4 months of unemployment, Matt starts a new job.

Tomorrow marks 1 year since I returned to employment at our church.
(after almost a year away I returned last February: same office, same desk, but a new position in a new ministry.)

Last week was Matt's 30th birthday and a couple of months ago we celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. Our life together is - in many ways - set and established, but at the same time still filled with new experiences and change.

New is good. New is exciting. New is scary.

But most of all, new things are a necessary part of life. A new chapter. Not an entirely new story, but an additional volume in an established collection. A continuing adventure.