Summer reading goals

I tend to set lofty goals for the summer that almost never fully follow through: goals for traveling, seeing all sorts of friends, crafting, etc. But one that I think will be fairly easy to accomplish is reading. So, here are my reading goals for the summer:

1) re-read an old favorite or something I've read before but don't really remember

2) read a sci-fi/fantasy adventure

3) read a nonfiction memoir

4) read at least 5 short stories from various authors or at least 3 poems each by 5 different authors

5) read the first in a new series

6) read a devotional and/or spiritual growth guide

Goal: to accomplish the above by September 1, and to blog, however briefly, about each book/story read. I just finished a memoir, so I will post about that one shortly.

Book suggestions always welcome!

Happy first day of summer! 

Difficult Simplicity

Last summer I read Kristin Kimball’s memoir The Dirty Life: On Farming, Food, and Love, in which city-girl Kimball marries a farmer and her life changes forever. At that time last year I was in a dead-end job, staring at a computer screen with nothing to do for 40 excruciating hours each week, listening to griping and cussing and yelling and hatefulness every minute of every day.  Nothing sounded more wonderful than to get out and really, truly work. I would rather have been exhausted each day than numb.

Part of me continues to long for that life and part of me doesn’t know if I could handle it. I enjoy gardening but know that on a farming level it would be tiring and often frustrating. I love animals, but there are many disgusting things about taking care of them day in and day out, especially when they are much larger than you are. (Kimball's description of cleaning out a cow’s festering ear wound is pretty horrific.)

The work on a farm is harder than what most people can imagine and the payoff never guaranteed. And while I’m not exactly a city-girl, I would miss many aspects of urban life. It nice to have convenient options when I don't want to cook, plus shopping and entertainment just a few minutes away. But I can also see the pleasure in making a big event of it: planning a whole day around "driving into town" for shopping, dining and a break from the daily routine.

Though the days would be long and dirty and exhausting, I like the thought of quiet evenings with simple, delicious meals. Not worrying about going out or checking work emails or if the internet is fast enough to constantly entertain me. I'd enjoy the daily close-knit quietness and anticipate occasional events of joining together as a community for laughter and celebration. 

Even if it was just for a season, I'd like to try. I'd like to till something. Make my own soap. Wake before the sun and sleep when it sets. Plant. Grow. Harvest. I want to truly enjoy simplicity without constantly worrying about what else I might be missing. 

From the book: We boiled potatoes in their skins in the field, and served them steaming in napkins. We all warmed our chilled fingers on them, popped them open, invested them with quantities of butter and salt. If there is a more perfect way to celebrate the potato's earthy, sustaining essence, I have not discovered it yet.

Indulgence

An excerpt from pastor Tim Challies, who blogs daily here:

In Ephesians 5 Paul says, "But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving." 

...When we laugh at what God calls evil, when we enjoy watching what God says is private, when we speak too crassly or even too frankly about things that are vile, we compromise God's standards. There is to be no filthy talk among us and no crass words. We are not to delight in what God says is evil.

...There are some things that are never to be the topic of conversation among Christians; they are just too evil and to even talk about them is to compromise. Yet sometimes we as Christians enjoy talking about things that are just so evil. We would never do them, but we will read about them and enjoy them in a secondhand way.

Full article here. In that same article, Challies also talks about healthy sexuality within marriage, teaching kids about sex, dealing with sexual sin. He's kinda awesome. I love that he is so honest and straight to the point.

I have blogged before about the harmful way that married sex is portrayed in the media. I have also blogged about the effects that sexual addiction can have on marriage. But honestly, no matter how many times we say these words or condemn it publicly, nothing will be accomplished as long as we keep sneaking home afterward and indulging in whatever form of sexual sin we find least offensive and most enjoyable.

It's easy to forget that indulging with our minds is just as harmful as indulging with our bodies. It can be romance novels or chick flicks full of bedroom scenes. It can be Facebook conversations with old flings or new, attractive friends. It can be laughing at crudely captioned photos or watching videos that, if censored, would be nothing but one long bleep and a big black bar across the screen. It can be almost anything.

It's so easy to indulge. To convince ourselves that it doesn't really matter, not in the grand scheme of things. What's a few R-rated comedies or images online? I have watched things and read things and participated because it's popular and cool, even though I know full well that it's just depravity disguised as pleasure.

"Every thought captive" is a concept we throw around as if it should be easy. It's not. I haven't accomplished it. I know it's not possibly without constant reliance on God, and I stray from Him far too easily. 

In a new article just posted today, Challies writes:
Pornography desecrates the one thing in all of creation that God values above all; pornography makes a mockery of that great portrait God has given us of Christ's faithful, compassionate love.

He also asks the question: "do you love it enough to go to hell for it?" 

That question can be replaced with whatever it is that captivates our attention, our imagination, our passion: "Do you love __________ enough to go to hell for it?"

God gave us passionate souls. He meant for us to love fully, deeply and with all that we have. But He also gave us instructions on what to love. Our love and passion is not meant to focus on just anything that brings us momentary pleasure.

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable...think about such things." - Philippians 4:8

Think about such things.

Mourn

"You have to mourn it out," she says. "Mourn and weep and tell God you can't handle it on your own. The more you hold onto the pain the more damaged you become."

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are those who...

Blessed are...

God, give me comfort.

Dream Stories

I dreamed of a flood last night. A quick search into the vast world of "dream meanings" shows a common opinion that a flood dream means something in your life is out of control, overwhelming, negative, relentless. I'm not really a fan of "one-size-fits-all" dream interpretations, but I looked it up because it reminded me of a flood dream I'd had over a year ago - a dream that was very different, but one I remembered in detail and had written down.

I have a few dream stories saved: some incoherent, some vaguely plot-like. Sometimes I remember all the details of a dream and sometimes I don't. This is one I remembered.

Dream Stories

It was flooding. 

The main room of the house had gigantic floor-to-ceiling windows and the water had covered them almost completely. It was like an aquarium where debris swam by instead of fish.

A young man was there, traveling home after a long summer away. He sat on the couch beside her with the TV on, half watching whatever marched across the screen. Children wandered in and out, distracting and defeating conversation. The girl got up to chase one off, then settled on the floor in front of the couch and absentmindedly began rubbing one of the young man’s feet. She dug her fingers into a tight muscle and he let out a quiet breath of appreciation.

She stood to look out the window at the sloshing, slowly receding water. He moved to stretch out on the floor, elbows propped up on a worn cushion. She returned to the floor beside him and he rolled close, nestled his face on her shoulder and placed three light, quick kisses on her neck. His lips left her skin but he didn’t lift his head, and she didn’t turn to look at him. They lay still for several moments. 

The silence continued. The water receded. Then, “Come with me?” he said, and she replied, “Yes.” 

 

Sharing

We don't share a tube of toothpaste.

As long as we've been married there have been 2 separate tubes, separate brands, stored on separate bathroom shelves. I prefer my brand and he prefers his, and it's never been an issue.

Recently I started to think that it's all a bit silly, and that I should just give up my brand and share his for simplicity's sake. But I hadn't said anything yet, not wanting to waste my almost-brand-new tube.

Last night he got a call and this morning he left for an overnight work trip. We've barely spoken in the past 24 hours; my fault. I've shut down again, frozen him out, up alone till 1:30am on Saturday night sobbing because I can't control the anger I feel toward him due to the things he chooses to fill his time.

As I stepped out of the shower he rapped on the door and said goodbye and that was all. I looked around the bathroom and realized he'd already packed up. If we were sharing toothpaste, I would have been left paste-less.

So the positive side is to say, "look, we're prepared for time apart. He travels, I sometimes travel, we're ready for it." But part of me also wished that was something we already shared - that today I'd have to stop and buy back-up toothpaste to have while he's gone.

Reunion

Yesterday evening I ran into the pastor I worked for over a year ago.  Last March almost our entire ministry team was let go: the pastor, the administrative assistant (me) and the graphic designer, along with many more from other ministries. After almost a year away, I'm back at the same church...same office...same desk (amazingly enough), but now working for a different pastor in a different ministry.

My former boss's brother is still a pastor here, and yesterday they came through a door together just as I turned the corner. After my initial surprise at seeing his face, I almost instantly burst into tears. Not loudly or very noticably - and the hallway was dark, too - but it was an uncontrollable reaction at seeing someone I deeply cared for. We hugged across his armload of camera equipment and they continued on their way.

At just about this time last year we'd all packed up our offices and had been pursuing new jobs for about a month. Mine was not going well, and I dreaded going in every morning. One particular day I woke up to a nearly flat tire and had to stop by and fill it up on my way in to work. I was rushing, and as I drove away I realized I had left the tiny tire valve cap sitting on the gas station air pump. Frustrated, I returned to the gas station and crouched down to replace the errant cap, muttering about how terrible the rest of the day would surely turn out.

As I stood back up I heard a familiar voice say, "I thought I recognized your car!" It was him. Just like today, I instantly started crying. He asked how it was going and I said not great. He had been a pastor at the church for over a decade, so the blow of the layoff was much greater to him than it was to me, but he was still strong, encouraging and calm. He said he'd be praying for me, we hugged, and went our separate ways.

I hadn't seen him again until yesterday. While it was a brief reunion, it was good.