New Start

A few weeks ago Matt and I celebrated 5 years of marriage. As readers of this blog may know, this year has been a hectic one. I am thankful every single day that this year is not ending the same way it began. January 1, 2013 Matt and I were barely speaking to each other, and it only got worse from there.

If either one of us had taken one more step backwards, one more angry, hurtful, tearing tug away from each other, our marriage would have been finished. I don’t like to relive those moments. There are still times when I am afraid. There are still days when I lash out with words that I know will wound. There are still moments and memories that leap up and make me ache with silent pain, but I am starting to learn how to fight through that, to stand against it and not let fear become bitterness and hate.
 

We have learned and grown and been strengthened this year. By making changes together and separately we have become stronger together and closer in our relationship with God. I wanted so many things to be different and for that change to happen instantly, but no real progress was made until I stepped back and said, "God, this is Yours. It has to be Yours. I can't try to control it anymore." When pushing and nagging and fighting becomes praying and encouraging and collaborating, things change. Hearts change. Futures brighten.

2014 is starting off with lean finances, bills to pay, cars to repair. But it is also beginning with hope and strength and renewed vision. In 2013 we began serving in ministry together every week. We got to do mission work together for the first time. We are part of an on-going small group that is marriage-focused and gives us relationship goals to achieve. As 2014 begins, Matt and I like spending time together. We want to be in each other's lives. We are glad to be married.

And that, my friends, sounds like a great way to start a new year.