A resume is a strange thing. My resume is 3 pages* long, but what does that really mean? Does it mean I am well-experienced, well-rounded, or does it mean I move around a lot? Most are part-time or seasonal jobs held around and during school, then a full-time job following graduation, and finally the newest data I added today, against my will. I don’t want to be updating my resume. I don’t want to think of entering that uncertain field again. But despite all that…
“Given the circumstances, we will probably need to lay off about 30% of our full-time employees...” Those words were received by my fellow staff members and I last Thursday. The Wednesday before we had been told it would be 25%. Common sense tells me it will get worse before it gets better, and those in leadership above us have prompted us to be prepared: update resumes. Prepare cover letters. Start looking.
Start looking? Terror strikes my heart at that very idea. I spent 4 months looking...looking…looking. This job has been our saving grace, our answer to prayer, our chance to start again. And now, not even 18 months in, it could all be over?
It is further complicated by the fact that where I work is also where I worship. Do I look for another church job? That means leaving the groups we've come to know, the ministries we've invested in...it would mean so much more than just a new job.
There is no doubt that I am struggling with this. I am resisting reality, telling myself it won’t happen, pretending nothing has changed. But that is foolishness, and I know it. I know God has a plan, but my human heart hates not knowing where that plan will take us.
*(Those 3 include a page for “References” and “Honors and Activities,” which can be removed depending on the employer’s guidelines. Which brings up another odd thought: what other part of my life experience is expendable? To edit the “story of my life” with crossed out sections and notes of “remove,” “unnecessary,” and “nobody actually cares about this, do they?” But I digress.)
